The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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