I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize