yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize