Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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