I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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