ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
