he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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