I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
