the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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