oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
