I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
