Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I think i got beer on your cat.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
