I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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