There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
