We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
