stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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