remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
