You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
