If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
