the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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