I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
