HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
