before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
