I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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