I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
