he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
