bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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