He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My bed smells like the plague
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
