woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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