hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
pop tarts are not kleenex
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
