I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
