I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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