Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
