how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
