Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
