There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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