She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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