Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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