i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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