you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
