I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
