She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
