mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
