you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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