You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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