Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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