so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
