And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
