The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
