I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
