Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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