my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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