I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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