No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
