none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
