P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
