You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she told me i tasted like america
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
