he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
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on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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