i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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