Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
