my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How external is "for external use only"?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize