You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
