Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize