I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
