She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
