I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
