i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
